MNN. Jan. 16, 2005. When the 109th Congress convened in Washington D.C. in January 2005, Senator Bill Frist, a doctor, filed a bill that would define “political paranoia” as a mental disorder. Every social disaster or political movement has its loonies: McCarthyism, John Birch Society, Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Jim Jones, David Koresh, Crusty the Clown, Pat Robertson, Oren Lyons, David Ahenakew, etc. What conditions have to exist before the message of the paranoid takes place. Well, here’s a test, folks, to find out where you are on the scale.

Just answer the questions and score them from 1 to 10.

1. My blood boils when I see George Bush in the news.

2. I wince when I see colonial flags like the Stars and Stripes or the Maple Leaf on Indian cars.

3. I believe that the involvement of Tribal councils in the United States and the band councils in Canada in land claims, casino high tech deals are fraudulent and that they are out for themselves.

4. I cannot listen to reservation radio stations financed by the federal government without becoming enraged. The cherry picked opinions of the tribal and band councilors or their employees infuriates me.

5. A sign objecting to the casino has been sitting on my lawn for the past 5 years.

6. I avoid speaking my mind because I am afraid I might get called down or get an egg thrown on my car windshield or get my welfare cut off.

7. I believe that everything the chiefs say is the gospel truth. Halleluyah!

8. I believe that Homeland Security or CSIS may be listening in on my phone conversations. So I use an obscure dialect for code – like Mohawk.

9. I am opposed to the concept of an individual ownership society.

10. I use traditional herbs to treat all ailments, including my political paranoia.

11. I avoid speaking to anyone in authority, including the Wal Mart cashier.

12. I think that the chiefs and councilors of my territory are unbiased.

13. I supported these same people in the last election.

14. I have trouble admitting that I suffer from political paranoia.

If you score from 1 to 20, nothing bothers you. You probably don’t listen to the media. You may be a hermit or can’t afford cable. You are a winner because you just don’t know or care about what is going on. If you scored between 100 and 140 you are aware of what is going on and are still normal in this day and age. You don’t have to be treated by Bush’s new paranoia pills – Paxil or Prozac.

Hey, wait a minute! Here’s a new business venture for some enterprising Mohawks – manufacturing cheap generic anti-depressants. Carry on, George!

Kahentinetha Horn

MNN Mohawk Nation News

poster: Thahoketoteh